Parents appear to be much better off these days in that not only are more books available on this all-important role but there

Parents appear to be much better off these days in that not only are more books available on this all-important role but there are also multiple resources one can access for help when the whole idea of raising not just one but several unique individuals becomes overwhelming.

Everyone would like to succeed at getting children to grow into responsible, loving and, hopefully, learned individuals. Love and respect are essential in this dynamic relationship. Certainly, communication is a must, even with very young children who may sometimes have preformed ideas about the signals sent out by parents. One always has to explain and edit, expand and illustrate, in order to educate and prepare children not only for small experiences but also for the bigger adventure that is LIFE.

When I look at all the children I have seen and analyze the way they are turning out, I can't help noticing that the parenting efforts that bring in the most rewards are those that come with parental AWARENESS of the importance of that role, together with the COMMITMENT to follow this role through no matter what. Many of us are not really ready for parenting even if we looked forward to it, but love and patience are always good things to have for starters.

Styles of parenting will differ in families but consistency in discipline and punishment as well as logical explanations often control behavior excesses and allow children to control themselves later. Children need us to help them control themselves, so limits have to be set and logical consequences established. Imagine a child's relief when a parent says : "I will not allow to do that because you might hurt yourself. I don't want you to be hurt because I love you. Maybe you don't know enough to stop so I will stop you until you learn to do it yourself". Children grow and learn better when there is order in their world. The limits or rules we set for behavior are an important part of this order, much as the constant presence of loving adults is.

As the child grows, so should the parent. Children never turn out the way we expect, mainly because their personalities are often different from ours, and their talents and inclinations are not exactly what we have. It takes time for many parents to realize this and extra effort to keep themselves from pushing a child to go in one direction when it is clear to many that he should go the opposite. Kahlil Gibran's piece on children might be a helpful guide.

It is often necessary to modify the way parents handle their children as everyone gets older. The thinking child will appreciate having his views heard and not having to follow without question unless doing so is a matter of avoiding injury or worse. Parents will discover that children can contribute a big part to their own understanding of the world and human relationships. Who is to say who learns more from this dynamic interaction?

LEARNING IS ESPECIALLY PLEASANT AND EASY when done with the parent, and especially when approached with a spirit of adventure and joyfulness. No wonder children easily memorize songs sung by the mother at bedtime, or start to read after several sessions of bedtime stories in a grandmother's lap! They also remember facts recited as adjunct to a story while chopping wood with Dad or Grandpa, or when out just watching a typhoon with an older sibling. When things are done with beloved people, the memories are a pleasure to turn back to; when learning is associated with nice events and possibly the same or other loved persons, it becomes effortless and encourages more learning.

LINKS:

Parenting Resources

Early Learning

PARENTING TIP of the Week

PLAY and TEACH

The Parenting Project

Constructive Play

Education and Parenting Resources - list of books - "parenting from the heart"

CPS: Caring for Kids - Positive Parenting: Reading Tips

Common Sense Parenting

Parenting Links - from the State of Utah

Parenting Forum Links